And Loves Me So Hopelessly
I highly suggest that you listen to this song first before you read this prompt.
"And in the trialsYou are the strength and providerYou were my friend in the fireJesus, your love was there..."
I was a kid born in a God-fearing family. A kid raised in Sunday School, ever familiar with all the Bible characters, memorized the Books of the Bible from Old to New testament. I was that "bright kid", so as most of the adults say. I was that "good kid", so as everyone who met and knew the background I lived in. I was that. Good. Girl.
Yet I was still undeserving. I am still a sinful creature in the eyes of God. No matter how hard I wash and cover myself with fig leaves, God still sees the scarlet red of sin bursting out of my soul. I'm unclean. And will forever be unclean, if I did not accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Fast forward, January 17, 2021, after years of pretending. After years of hiding my true state, after pretending that I was heaven bound, God answered my most desperate prayers before. The prayer I never failed to pray every night, before I close my eyes. "God show me the truth. Help me to believe You. Help me to put my faith in You." That day, I genuinely accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.
It brought so much relief. I felt the burden of sin rolled away when I heard myself saying "Amen", marking the end of my prayer of acceptance. It felt like a thorn piercing my soul was removed. I felt new. I felt loved. I felt secured.
But I know living in Jesus is very difficult. Satan will continuously attack you, which what exactly happened to me. I doubted. Though not much, but my faith was still shaky. Then, August 2024, I followed the Lord through water baptism, again. This time, for real.
There were so many changes, particularly victories, but there are also failures that still pull me down from growing in love with Jesus. Yet despite my flaws, my sins, my failures, my unfaithfulness, His love was always there, ready to catch me when I come back from being astray.
1 Chronicles 16:34
"O give thanks unto the LORD; for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever."
Then just recently, I found this song, after experiencing a heartbreak. This song painfully reminded me that I was the one who caused my own heartbreak because, I left my First Love. I became unfaithful to God once again. I tried to find love from a guy who showered me what I thought was "love", when it was just a mere bare minimum if analyzed. I expected something, and God stopped me.
I found a love that would chase after meIn every heartache there it would beIt fills every break and each space in betweenHow it loves me
I never thought God was warning me that I am going the wrong direction once again. I made this man my world when I should be making Jesus the center of my world. Not that He is jealous, but that He deserves it. He deserves to be the center of my world.
I cried from this song when I first heard it. I was so lost in blaming myself for being a dumb girl, falling for another trap. But this song reminded me that "God you're all that I need" and how He can only fill the spaces and cracks that I have and kept trying to fix it by placing different tangible things this world offers.
I cried. Not just because it hurt me, but because I realized that Jesus is the only One who can love me despite of how broken I am. Despite how shattered I look. He willingly took the way to the cross to build me again. No man in this earth can do it except Him.
I was reminded once again, that I don't need a man to fulfill the space I have for love. I have Jesus. His Word. His promises. But the enemy. I know Satan kept trying to instill the lie that Jesus is not enough. That I need a tangible love. I need a man. But now I know. Now I know that I don't. I don't need a tangible love.
So my prayer is that, when I feel the surge of doubting God's love for me, I pray that my faith would be strong enough to resist Satan's whispers and fight for my relationship with Jesus. May I never lose my focus on Jesus. May I always search Him above all.
Even if I am so undeserving of His love. "And loves me so hopelessly".
His love remains. Despite every flaw I have and make, His love endures. His love provides healing. And I pray that the time will soon come, that I will find so much joy in His presence and love.
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